Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m “done”. Done in ministry. My worship leading days are over. I’ve shared this with some people, and they have all emphatically disagreed with me. (Thanks, everyone.) While I appreciate the heart behind their protests, I started wondering how they could be so sure. I think they wanted to be sure but that doesn’t necessarily make it true.
Likewise, when our babies died, people reassured me with conviction that we would have a baby. How did they know? There are plenty of times when people can’t have babies. Their babies die and they never have another baby. I think people wanted for us to have another baby but they had no idea what they were saying.
The truth is that I could be “done”. As much as anyone (me) might want for that not to be true, it could be true. Does acceptance of this possibility equate to obedience? At any moment, things that we think are ours could be taken away. What would obedience and submission look like in that situation? Is there any room for “fighting for what we want”? I’m starting to accept my doneness on the principle that if I really am done, it’s time to embrace the truth and move on. Does acceptance mean defeat? Does acceptance mean complacency?
I don’t know the answers to any of these questions. Just throwing them out there…