Go get ’em

I’m realizing more and more that it’s really hard to navigate this world in a way that you want to if you’re not a go-getter.  Everyone is screaming over one another, “Look at me!!”  So unless you’re also screaming and drawing attention to yourself, it’s likely that you will be overlooked and ignored.  So what happens when you’re not a “go-getter”?

When Titus first started preschool, he came home one day and told me that nobody ever talked to him at school.  This was especially heartbreaking to me because his twin brother was part of the “nobody”.  I asked him, “Do you try to talk to your classmates?”  He said exactly what I knew he was going to say because I’ve answered the same way hundreds of times, “No.”  There’s no winning.  You lose if you have no friends.  You lose if you have to initiate.  I counsel him in the only way I know how to counsel him in this situation: I mimic what other people have said to me.  “Well if you don’t talk to your classmates, how can you expect them to talk to you?”  That makes no sense to people like me.  We can easily expect them to initiate communication.  However, we will likely get disappointed when they don’t.  Perhaps wiser counsel to my son should be, “Get used to disappointment.”  :/

A go-getter might interpret this behavior as being self-centered.  How can you expect other people to do all the work?  How can you expect everyone else to initiate social interaction/offer opportunities/ask questions?  From our, or let’s just say my perspective, because we don’t usually like to speak for others, I feel like if I speak up for myself or if I put myself out there or promote myself, it invalidates or devalues the thing I’m speaking for – in many instances, that thing is myself.

So as a non-go-getter in the society and age that I live in, I’m trapped.  Most of the time it’s lose-lose, which is what makes me want to just live an anonymous life in a distant land growing my own food and raising animals.  The problem is that I have all these ideas (remember I’m a one on the Enneagram?)  Those damn ideas.  Always getting me into trouble.

3 Comments

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  1. Living an anonymous life in a distant land growing your own food and raising animals isn’t all it’s imagined to be…
    😘
    Instead of “get used to disappointment” – perhaps it’s wise to “expect disappointment” (in this world you will have trouble) and trouble… But also be willing to take a few risks in initiating conversation or “putting yourself out there” (I know, it’s super vulnerable)

    Do the best to teach him (and refocus/re-teach yourself) the skills to set honorable, attainable goals and handle the disappointments…

    We are designed to need interaction with others, even if only a sacred few, trustworthy others. There is nothing devaluing in recognizing our inate need and desire for connection with people – and even our desire to be affirmed by them…

    Liked by 1 person

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